Make Sure You Deliver

Funny that sometimes I get the urge to write at night. Kinda brings it back to those times in a Leeds Uni computer lab. 3am was the only time there was ever relative quiet. 3am, you walk in the "24 hour computer lab". You get in the zone. You are ready to write some of your novel, and you will only go on the Japanese version of MSN-cunningly, some Oriental trickery had managed to get it on certain computers, while the English version was blocked for 'security reasons'- when you have written some more...

One time I got in the zone.... despite a bit of noise. Then a fat English guy asked "would I like a crisp".

For the record, I said no. I would not like a crisp.

Anyway.... making sure you deliver.

I'm pretty sure my goals for this year are on my mind all the time, consciously or subconsciously. Sometimes I think I am actually not doing my goals... maybe I am not thinking about them, maybe I am doing something else which is not actually relating to them. But then later that day usually I feel a bit bad for not making enough progress...

So I'm rereading my goal post now, it's already there in my mind though. The subconscious remembers everything important. Poker, wealth, sales... first two, you can basically work at and you will get there at least slowly but surely. And I have been doing- things have been going fine there. Occassionaly I think "yes.... things are going fine.... but are you really PUSHING THE ENVELOPE... pushing your comfort zone here?" Truth is, a lot of the times you just don't need to. There is no fancy magic behind getting rich or getting good at poker- you just have to do the same things a lot. I'm making money, the longer I live at the moment I will just make more money.

My poker is fine. I played one real nice technical hand today that actually worked on a deeper level than I thought it did- and I only realised that AFTER it happened. In chess you have to calculate everything out concretely usually... especially if you're trying an opening novelty. With this hand... over in a few seconds, the amount of conscious thought amounted to like... maybe 8 seconds. Made more money than in a long time of playing chess though. SCOOP is coming soon- I've won tickets and am probably going to play. When I was playing chess I felt inferior to anyone much higher rated than me really. In the SCOOP coming up I already know I am at the skill level of a SuperNova or above if I bring my A game- they just play more than I do! I've taken money off SuperNova elites at the table and some of the moves they made were really 'questionable' aka bad. Despite spending less time on poker I feel that I'll be making decent money from it.

Sales... it's a bit less concrete. There are certain things you can do in preperation and form filling that you can do to help and it's your responsibilty to get yourself in the right mindset. Sometimes though you'll put your best efforts in and it doesn't work, just because people are unreceptive. You have to have the mental strength to put in your peak performance on the next despite that.

Sales is still going fairly well though... but yeah, I know I can improve. And I will do.

Getting to know great people is harder to quantify and again sometimes you'll put energy into doing this and it won't come off. Even when I was writing that down as a goal I could tell that some people would read it and think... "Oh OK, he wants to get to know great people. Doesn't he know enough already? I think maybe he sounds a bit desperate... yeah, I will get back to watching the football highlights now." Maybe it would even put some genuinely high value people off too. Still wrote it down though, for the world to see.

Certainly helps in getting to know high value people that you have something of 'high value' to offer yourself. Just to clarify what I actually mean by high value in this context... it does not mean net wealth, although of course some (most?) of the people will already have that. Means high value overall. As a person.

Have I got enough high value to offer? I think I have in some areas, and in others I need plenty of work. Still believe I have a lot of potential though. We'll see.

Part of the reason why I'm typing this out now is due to a comment I read on Facebook- truly wealthy people have better things to do than hang out on Facebook. Some truth in it... it made me think about my status updates. Most of my status updates relate to how I'm doing on my goals, although I do broaden it out to a bit of social commentary occasionally. I'm commenting more on other people's posts too. But yeah, I reread my status updates and I can definitely feel how some people would think "This guy just thinks about money. He's one dimensional. Hasn't he got anything else to say...". These people don't really know me that well... but they've still got a point, to an extent. I read my other friends statuses... none are quite as relentlessly upbeat as I am, despite the fact that I have a lot of very successful 'Facebook friends' who have a lot to be proud of.

They are secure in themselves and will probably go onto achieve more victories. I hope they do- and anyway they choose to do it is fine by me.



I read a lot of Nietzsche when I was at Leeds University. Once I spent about twelve hours mindmapping Beyond Good and Evil. Incredible book.

Getting into his mind, at the end of cramming all his thoughts into my head, I thought... *pretty bad that he only got some recognition when he was sick.... and only really any number of people read his writing after he died*. Like hyenas gnawing at corpses. Chuckle, chuckle... we'll get the knowledge, you're already dead.

I told myself that I wanted some recognition whilst alive, please.

I'd recommend reading Nietzsche to people reading this... it's a tough read but it'll change your way of thinking. I don't agree with everything he says but there are plenty of gems hidden in there. One is not trying to seek the good opinion of every person...


Sometimes I look at my 'Facebook friends' list and people have gone. Sometimes some people reappear without notification too... haven't figured out how that works yet. Sometimes I wonder if it's something I've done bad to them... it isn't, but like I said before, some people don't like my tone.

You're a long time dead.

So I might as well say what's on my mind while I'm alive. I don't want people on my list who aren't happy with the way I'm reaching my goals. I had to delete two people from my list- first time in a long time I've had to do that- but they were specifically, if unintentionally, stopping me reaching my goals.

With hard men intimacy is a thing of shame - and something precious


Sometimes I send 'friend requests' to people and they don't say yes or no. Maybe they ignore it, maybe they are unsure, who knows. I usually give them about a week then I 'remove my friend request'. This is how things go down in the early twenty first century, obv. Most of the time these are people I don't know but seem interesting and it doesn't bother me that much.

Someone took the time to reject me lately though. I knew her, quite a long time ago. This was when I was first writing out goals, without really knowing how to do it. This person has reached her goals far more than I believed she would- even though back then I knew she had a lot inner strength that most people couldn't see.

Obviously I wasn't high value enough.

Just so you know I don't ONLY read German philosophers, I've also written all over a W Clement Stone book. I owned that one though, so that's more socially acceptable. He talks about inspirational dissatisfaction- how feeling totally shit is really a stepping stone on helping you improve. That angry feeling, that lost feeling, that inadequate feeling- you can turn that energy around and use it for your own advantage. I've found it to be one of the most powerful forces.

I've decided not to name the person who rejected me, for now at least. If she's reading this she'll know who she is. I'd just like you to know, you've given me a LOT of inspirational dissatisfaction. I think you're the reason I had a worldwide selling novel at the age of twenty one.

I'd like you to know I haven't even really got started yet. I'm pretty sure if you do get to read this, it'll be when I am socially considered to be 'high value'.

Make Sure You Deliver.

Of course, I know that there's the possibility I could fail. I could just end up being nothing, having achieved... well, not enough at least. I'm going to perform to the very best of my ability though and I can't see that happening. Even when I was really little I always had dreams. Things were so vivid in my head. Maybe that's why I escaped into books early... loving the images they created. No matter how much anyone has doubted me, no matter what shit situation arises, positive images always appear in my head...

Whatever the mind of man can conceive and believe, it can achieve.

Rate me on what I achieve.

Being None Needy

Being 'none needy' is crucial in so many aspects of life... vital in reaching my goals too.

When I was younger, before a chess match I used do a lot of visualisation... I'd imagine myself in the zone, focusing hard, winning the match... all good things in theory. But I probably 'over thought' it. I was already expecting the winning outcome... without fully being present in playing sometimes. And if I didn't win sometimes I hated myself.

Coming home from the chessclub one night, I said to a fellow player "I don't dislike losing THAT much." "Yeah you do. And the thing is... if you hate losing so much, you'll be scared to win."

Stuck with me.

One of my most important chess wins came after I'd be working in the saftey bus until about 2am. Key match- relegation battle in 1st division of Yorkshire league. If Huddersfield lost that one they were probably going down. Obviously I wanted to win, but "didn't have time" to prepare that much... before the match I was nervous... I knew that I could lose. Playing this game against a guy studying for a Phd... got into a difficult position. I knew that if I just sat passively I'd lose... in other words really if I just went into a stream of over analysis I'd just be losing time on my clock. Just thought "if I just make normal moves I'm probably going to lose anyway... might as well try something reckless". The pawn move I made was reckless, and I KNEW objectively it probably wasn't the best move, but it created complications. In honesty, the idea was probably based on Jeremy Silman's theory of 'imbalances' in a chess position too.

Ten moves later I struck some tactical blows and won the game. That was the only game I won in the top division.

Similar things before exams. I so wanted to do well. Again probably too much visualisation, putting too much pressure on myself... I remember in one exam though I just believed I knew the material (and I did really... had studied it all last year) so didn't even bother preparing that much. Got 94% in that exam.

One book that really hit home for me was The Inner Game of Tennis . The author talks about how the subconscious mind already knows exactly how to hit the ball... if you think too much with your conscious mind you won't strike it right. Of course, you might think some situations are more 'mentally complex' than hitting a ball but the same principle applies... your subconscious mind knows what it wants to do you've just got to let it do it!

Alright, so in terms of interacting with people it's the same thing. Sales is a decent example... and I'll use it because that's what I do a lot of the time! If a person senses you a too desperate for the sale, you'll never get it. However... if you are non detached to the outcome of the interaction but obviously still have the goal of selling you'll do much better. How really 'non detached' you are shows in your body language and tone of voice. Sometimes I'll walk away from a pitch thinking... yeah I said all the right things there, but really that customer didn't buy because my tone sounded a bit nervous.

I've had quite a lot of sales where I've been walking away from the customer and they've run back to me saying..... "Wait! I... I... I want it after all!" Always makes me chuckle after :).

In any interaction you have to be totally comfortable with the outcome. If you are nervous about a negative outcome it's more likely to happen... and again, it'll show in micro expressions or your tone. And let's be honest, most interactions we have in the UK are hardly dangerous... oh so you didn't get the sale.... erm there are only over another 60 million to sell to in the UK. The 'hot girl isn't interested'? Lols, her loss, next.




(You know... I kinda wanted to leave it there... just seems a bit... negative you know :))

Liked writing this out, solidified the concepts for me! TBH yesterday I was thinking... hmm.... should you really write this out... you could actually be WORKING ON YOUR GOALS MORE CONCRETELY. But today I just felt like doing it, so I did- trust your subconscious!

Keeping Your Standards Up

Right, I'm gonna do a kind of 'stream of consciousness' post here...

Keeping your standards up is so important, it goes hand in hand with trusting your instincts. If you instinctively feel someone is lower value.... they probably are. If someone messes you around once... they probably will again. So important to 'control the frame' in the right way- you can't be dependent on any one person. Shouldn't be needy, or dependent on one particular outcome.

Recently, I think my standards have slipped in a couple of areas. Not ideal, but I've noticed it. I could say it's mainly due to the fault of others (it is) but I take responsibility for it.

Recently a family member of mine said another family member had "my best interests at heart". I thought about it. Only I have my best interests at heart, and I think that goes for most people in the world certainly. Other people have what they THINK are your best interests at heart, but really they're their best interests....

I'd say that some of my friends' interests are close enough to mine to make them very nearly have my best interests at heart... their goals and ideals are close enough to mine and their understanding of me is deep enough to really get me. Still, in terms of that real 'core deep inside interest'.... I've still got that. It's only me that feels the true elation of when I reach a goal, or the crushing moment if I fail. And that's life- you stand or fall on your own failures or achievements.

(I was thinking that was an alright ending... but you know..... gotta keep it positive... and upbeat...)

Fuck low value people. Fuck not achieving what I'm capable of. I've got a unique skillset, and the world hasn't even started to see what I'm capable of yet....

Progress Report

Quick update.

Best sales week in my job so far this week- actually best sales day I've had in two years! I'm putting a lot of effort into it, and it's starting to pay off. Just have to stay focused and I'll get even better!

Financial goals are going pretty well overall- money starting to flow smoothly in. I'm going to set myself 'mini goals' which I can achieve in a week or so to keep myself focused- I still have a 'dream figure' I want to be at at the end of the year though!

Meeting some interesting people, and the friends I've known for years are supporting me. I'm thankful to everyone who helps me; hopefully I can help them too.