Make Sure You Deliver
Funny that sometimes I get the urge to write at night. Kinda brings it back to those times in a Leeds Uni computer lab. 3am was the only time there was ever relative quiet. 3am, you walk in the "24 hour computer lab". You get in the zone. You are ready to write some of your novel, and you will only go on the Japanese version of MSN-cunningly, some Oriental trickery had managed to get it on certain computers, while the English version was blocked for 'security reasons'- when you have written some more...
One time I got in the zone.... despite a bit of noise. Then a fat English guy asked "would I like a crisp".
For the record, I said no. I would not like a crisp.
Anyway.... making sure you deliver.
I'm pretty sure my goals for this year are on my mind all the time, consciously or subconsciously. Sometimes I think I am actually not doing my goals... maybe I am not thinking about them, maybe I am doing something else which is not actually relating to them. But then later that day usually I feel a bit bad for not making enough progress...
So I'm rereading my goal post now, it's already there in my mind though. The subconscious remembers everything important. Poker, wealth, sales... first two, you can basically work at and you will get there at least slowly but surely. And I have been doing- things have been going fine there. Occassionaly I think "yes.... things are going fine.... but are you really PUSHING THE ENVELOPE... pushing your comfort zone here?" Truth is, a lot of the times you just don't need to. There is no fancy magic behind getting rich or getting good at poker- you just have to do the same things a lot. I'm making money, the longer I live at the moment I will just make more money.
My poker is fine. I played one real nice technical hand today that actually worked on a deeper level than I thought it did- and I only realised that AFTER it happened. In chess you have to calculate everything out concretely usually... especially if you're trying an opening novelty. With this hand... over in a few seconds, the amount of conscious thought amounted to like... maybe 8 seconds. Made more money than in a long time of playing chess though. SCOOP is coming soon- I've won tickets and am probably going to play. When I was playing chess I felt inferior to anyone much higher rated than me really. In the SCOOP coming up I already know I am at the skill level of a SuperNova or above if I bring my A game- they just play more than I do! I've taken money off SuperNova elites at the table and some of the moves they made were really 'questionable' aka bad. Despite spending less time on poker I feel that I'll be making decent money from it.
Sales... it's a bit less concrete. There are certain things you can do in preperation and form filling that you can do to help and it's your responsibilty to get yourself in the right mindset. Sometimes though you'll put your best efforts in and it doesn't work, just because people are unreceptive. You have to have the mental strength to put in your peak performance on the next despite that.
Sales is still going fairly well though... but yeah, I know I can improve. And I will do.
Getting to know great people is harder to quantify and again sometimes you'll put energy into doing this and it won't come off. Even when I was writing that down as a goal I could tell that some people would read it and think... "Oh OK, he wants to get to know great people. Doesn't he know enough already? I think maybe he sounds a bit desperate... yeah, I will get back to watching the football highlights now." Maybe it would even put some genuinely high value people off too. Still wrote it down though, for the world to see.
Certainly helps in getting to know high value people that you have something of 'high value' to offer yourself. Just to clarify what I actually mean by high value in this context... it does not mean net wealth, although of course some (most?) of the people will already have that. Means high value overall. As a person.
Have I got enough high value to offer? I think I have in some areas, and in others I need plenty of work. Still believe I have a lot of potential though. We'll see.
Part of the reason why I'm typing this out now is due to a comment I read on Facebook- truly wealthy people have better things to do than hang out on Facebook. Some truth in it... it made me think about my status updates. Most of my status updates relate to how I'm doing on my goals, although I do broaden it out to a bit of social commentary occasionally. I'm commenting more on other people's posts too. But yeah, I reread my status updates and I can definitely feel how some people would think "This guy just thinks about money. He's one dimensional. Hasn't he got anything else to say...". These people don't really know me that well... but they've still got a point, to an extent. I read my other friends statuses... none are quite as relentlessly upbeat as I am, despite the fact that I have a lot of very successful 'Facebook friends' who have a lot to be proud of.
They are secure in themselves and will probably go onto achieve more victories. I hope they do- and anyway they choose to do it is fine by me.
I read a lot of Nietzsche when I was at Leeds University. Once I spent about twelve hours mindmapping Beyond Good and Evil. Incredible book.
Getting into his mind, at the end of cramming all his thoughts into my head, I thought... *pretty bad that he only got some recognition when he was sick.... and only really any number of people read his writing after he died*. Like hyenas gnawing at corpses. Chuckle, chuckle... we'll get the knowledge, you're already dead.
I told myself that I wanted some recognition whilst alive, please.
I'd recommend reading Nietzsche to people reading this... it's a tough read but it'll change your way of thinking. I don't agree with everything he says but there are plenty of gems hidden in there. One is not trying to seek the good opinion of every person...
Sometimes I look at my 'Facebook friends' list and people have gone. Sometimes some people reappear without notification too... haven't figured out how that works yet. Sometimes I wonder if it's something I've done bad to them... it isn't, but like I said before, some people don't like my tone.
You're a long time dead.
So I might as well say what's on my mind while I'm alive. I don't want people on my list who aren't happy with the way I'm reaching my goals. I had to delete two people from my list- first time in a long time I've had to do that- but they were specifically, if unintentionally, stopping me reaching my goals.
With hard men intimacy is a thing of shame - and something precious
Sometimes I send 'friend requests' to people and they don't say yes or no. Maybe they ignore it, maybe they are unsure, who knows. I usually give them about a week then I 'remove my friend request'. This is how things go down in the early twenty first century, obv. Most of the time these are people I don't know but seem interesting and it doesn't bother me that much.
Someone took the time to reject me lately though. I knew her, quite a long time ago. This was when I was first writing out goals, without really knowing how to do it. This person has reached her goals far more than I believed she would- even though back then I knew she had a lot inner strength that most people couldn't see.
Obviously I wasn't high value enough.
Just so you know I don't ONLY read German philosophers, I've also written all over a W Clement Stone book. I owned that one though, so that's more socially acceptable. He talks about inspirational dissatisfaction- how feeling totally shit is really a stepping stone on helping you improve. That angry feeling, that lost feeling, that inadequate feeling- you can turn that energy around and use it for your own advantage. I've found it to be one of the most powerful forces.
I've decided not to name the person who rejected me, for now at least. If she's reading this she'll know who she is. I'd just like you to know, you've given me a LOT of inspirational dissatisfaction. I think you're the reason I had a worldwide selling novel at the age of twenty one.
I'd like you to know I haven't even really got started yet. I'm pretty sure if you do get to read this, it'll be when I am socially considered to be 'high value'.
Make Sure You Deliver.
Of course, I know that there's the possibility I could fail. I could just end up being nothing, having achieved... well, not enough at least. I'm going to perform to the very best of my ability though and I can't see that happening. Even when I was really little I always had dreams. Things were so vivid in my head. Maybe that's why I escaped into books early... loving the images they created. No matter how much anyone has doubted me, no matter what shit situation arises, positive images always appear in my head...
Whatever the mind of man can conceive and believe, it can achieve.
Rate me on what I achieve.
